When I consider what "my story" truly is, I am immediately reminded of the biblical parable, "The Prodigal Son;" except, in my case, it would be the "Prodigal Daughter." I speak now as though my life from the age of 16 to 34 was spent within a clouded illusion where reality was completely distorted, as was my perspective of the world in which I lived and my view of myself. It took the death of someone I dearly loved to make me wake up and realize I was on the same road and if something did not change in my life, namely me, I would likewise take the same fatal path.

When I was 14 and 15 years old I had dedicated my time and devotion to my mother, to school, and to God. I was an all around honors student who was active in intellectual clubs and cheerleading. My future goals were to study Psychology and Human Resources Management in order to change the world of elderly care into a non-profit and caring institution where our elders could live with dignity and continued happiness right to their end. Unfortunately peer and social pressures crept into play where drugs, alcohol, and partying were the activities of the "cool" crowd. No party…no friends…Looking back I wonder where my strength went. At the time however, my parents were divorcing and the battles raged. I lost face, hope, and care for all and gave in …alcohol had become my new "best friend." Not only could I participate in the parties, but my whole image changed with the newfound liquid "courage." It was not only a personality enhancer but also the best beauty agent around. I ruled…socially. My attitude was fun…the "me, myself, and I" became the all-consuming new goal. After two years of drinking at Quinnipiac College, I quit to become a singer. What could be better than a job that you could continue drinking and get paid at the same time! For years I worked on the road, drinking to my fill every night…passing out, blacking out, throwing up…When I worked in Florida all expenses were paid, I worked a mere 3 hours a night, 5 nights a week, and partied until dawn each day with each group that passed through on their vacation. One group of "snowbirds" would leave and the next would come. It was one never-ending party. Drugs…were always on the side helping me to drink even more than normal capacity. I got to the point where I could drink all day, go to work, continue to drink and realize the next day I had performed an entire evening with no recollection of what had happened. Somehow, I had rationalized the behavior as being "normal."

Drinking was my main supporter and fed my ego to outrageous proportions. I had convinced myself to go to Nashville where stardom awaited. What was most disturbing having arrived to the "Third Coast" of the music world was…no one seemed to drink as much as I did! What was wrong with these people? Well, I was saved…. about 70 times…one year off alcohol with the Baptists…and back on again…going back on the road. It was party time…all over again. Finally health problems, (vocal) drove me back home to Boston. I met an alcoholic, fell in love…as an enabler…and fellow drinker I finally got a DUI. Later, my boyfriend killed himself. My life was spent in constant anxiety…a constant hangover… where my behavior became emotionally erratic…manic…depression…suicidal…on prescribed drugs…something…Help me…On my knees…God, take it all, please. He did. With AA, friends in recovery, fellow Christians, the Good Lord took over. At the age of 34 I was given a second chance and went back to school. I was awarded a scholarship to Oxford in order to study those such as C.S. Lewis, who likewise swore off God but later returned to the "fold" to write about it. As for me, the dumb, blond ornament…alcoholic party girl… had been truly saved.

I still struggle with what I see as that perennial battle where the devil is always knocking at the door with an incredible smile and a drink of escape when all seems clouded and hopeless as those days do occur. But the miracle of God…the miracle of a second chance will never allow me to go back. IN GOD I AM STRONG. No more will the devil steal the life of this disciple whom he ripped from God's flock a long time ago. I fear that such social pressures are far more pronounced today than when I was a teen and worry that "being or feeling accepted" continues to outweigh staying on a straight path. If they could only see that giving in is a type of "early death" of the self where years later they find themselves completely lost…chances are they will never find their way back. I pray to God to give each and everyone the strength that I did not have for I fear not everyone is given that second chance…hence they follow the road of my ex-boyfriend…I was so close…hence…"The Prodigal Daughter."