It's wonderful when you think about the tapestry of recovery. It's never a dull white sheet but rather wondrous shapes and colors, florals and swirls that are unique to each individual's life. When all those patches are brought together they cover all of us with beauteous warmth that provides shelter and support to all of us as we share that quilt with each other. My journey into recovery is unique to me but by sharing that I add to the texture of our quilt.

I began using and abusing 30 years ago and soon it was out of control. In the beginning it was to achieve that wonderful high that I'd discovered when I was prescribed diet pills back in 1970. Now, for a lot of people who took them, diet pills didn't take on a life of their own, but that wasn't the case for me. I didn't realize it at the time but I was an addict and the pills triggered that and began a 30-year odyssey that eventually descended into hell.

With the progression of time I was consuming more and more prescription drugs on a daily basis. I did take in my share of alcohol but it wasn't an all-consuming drive, YET!

Over time I began manipulating doctors and pharmacies going from doctor to doctor, getting scripts for the pain meds I needed to maintain my habit. You see, as many of you can identify with, I no longer got the high but rather was on a break neck, out of control ride looking for it.

My drinking found it's opportunity for complete control in 1992 when my last relationship ended. In the beginning it was a couple of drinks in the evening, after my mother died it began in earnest. Every night I'd drink to black out. Then I was drinking in the morning. I was desperately trying to escape the pain. Coupled with the drugs I was consuming I was hurtling towards my bottom.

In 1998 I found myself homeless and deeply ensconced in depression, which had plagued me all my adult life. I drank in secret, in my car, while I was living in the shelter and found doctors to give me the drugs I needed.

It was during that time that I started getting DWI's. I lost my license and saw no way out of the situation I was in. That's when suicide reared its ugly head - again. I ended up in a lock up mental facility.

After two homeless shelters and three separate stays in mental hospitals I found myself alone in a motel room, after being thrown out of the last shelter for drinking and not being there overnight because I'd woken up in a jail cell. In that motel room I drank around the clock for a week and a half falling further and further into despair and hopelessness. I'd stand by the side of the road waiting for a vehicle to come by fast enough so I could throw myself in front of it. I wanted to die not just be maimed.

I couldn't take it anymore and called the mental health facility for help at four in the morning. I was totally hopeless and demoralized. It was at that time that I screamed out to God for help. I begged for His help admitting to Him that I couldn't do it on my own. He heard me and I now know that He was always there just waiting for me to come to the realization that He would take care of me if I only asked.

God began to move for me immediately when I called the police for a ride to the hospital. They showed up about five-thirty a.m. One was hostile when he saw my thirty-rack case of beer on the floor next to the bed while the other was more compassionate.

I had to endure one last humiliating ramification of my disease when they handcuffed me for transporting and they made me enter the hospital emergency room in that state.

After many hours in the ER, with a compassionate doctor who learned that I was prone to alcohol seizures, I was admitted to the hospital. I spent four days being medically detoxed.

That was June 3, 1999, and I haven't had the desire to return to that misery by picking up a drink or a drug!

That doesn't mean that everything fell into place because I put down the drink. I didn't have anything or anyplace to go but I could now work it out undulled by drink or drug.

Today I have a life that I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams. No, it's not filled with material things but it's filled with what I need to make me happy, ME! I'm slowly cleaning up the wreckage of my past and carving out a life. You see the one thing I've discovered in sobriety is that I'm the only one who CAN make it happen and everyday I ask God to continue watching over me and guiding me.

The first step feels impossible and painful to take but if we put one foot in front of the other, TAKING BABY STEPS, we find that soon we increase our stride. We begin to feel the pride in our success and achievements. We begin to unconsciously hold our heads high and the pain and confusion of the first baby step begins to fade in our memory. It just takes its place in our scrapbook of experiences.

The secret to sobriety is realizing that only you can make it happen and by DOING it you contribute your piece to the beautiful tapestry!