Friends of Recovery - New Hampshire

P.O. Box 295 Concord NH 03302

One Family Member's Path from Pain to Hope and Recovery

After many years of marriage, my wife, children and I were going through the difficulties of separation and divorce. At about the same time, one of our teenage sons who lived with me was experiencing a variety of serious problems with school and life. Although we were separated, my wife and I were able to work together to find and go to a psychiatrist and social worker team of health practitioners who specialized in treating adolescents with alcohol and drug problems. They quickly determined that our son was an alcoholic. We received some individual and family counseling. Also, we were advised that we should support our son by encouraging his full and regular participation in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings.

Although the road was often trying and difficult, my son was committed, dedicated and worked hard at his recovery. He participated in AA meetings on a daily basis, made many new friends and took better care of his overall physical, mental and spiritual health. Also, he obtained remedial work from his school over the summer, and then he graduated from high school. My son is now married to a wonderful woman beautiful in body and soul, has his own children, has a good job, and is successful in many ways. Although his mother and I are divorced, we are both united in being very proud of our son and his many accomplishments. At this point, he has been free of alcohol and any other drug use for approximately a decade and one-half. We are truly grateful for and celebrate his recovery and many successes in life.

Given the happy result and the passage of time, one might assume that it was easy to write this brief story of one family member's recovery from alcoholism. However, that is not the case. The reality is that much pain remains. Part of the reason for the pain is unresolved personal guilt in knowing that if I had been a better husband and father, some of the problems might have been prevented or ameliorated. At the same time, I recognize that given the history of alcoholism problems in both my family and my wife's family, the only thing that may have prevented my son's alcoholism is total abstinence from alcohol from the beginning - a path that is unusual and difficult in a society where there exists such pervasive promotion of alcohol to children and adolescents through direct advertising that uses frogs, lizards and sports.

Another part of the personal and family pain relates to the shame and stigma that continues to be associated with alcoholism. Although the American Medical Association for many decades has declared alcoholism an illness and health problem, many persons in our society still believe that it is a criminal justice problem or a moral problem associated with a weak will. In some respects, this is similar to the fear, shame and secrecy that many years ago used to be associated with having a family member who suffered from other health conditions that were difficult to treat. I hope and pray that in the not too distant future, we can all accept the biopsychosocial nature of alcoholism as a chronic, but treatable, brain disease, just as today we accept most other chronic diseases ranging from diabetes to depression as treatable health conditions. Possibly within 5 or 10 years I will feel more public understanding and feel free to sign my name to an updated story.